Final Flight

In the October 2023 issue of KITPLANES my article “Out of the Shadows” appeared, in which I contemplated how my RV-8A was then a counterbalance to my wife’s medical issues. Lisa had gone to Oasis of Hope in Mexico in 2020 for three weeks of cancer treatment. This was for triple negative breast cancer, which she was diagnosed with on Nov. 7, 2019. That article ended well.

The rest of the story does not.

Lisa was a pilot, though she only flew as PIC one time before having our first child (she was pregnant with him as she was working on her certificate). She helped with the RV construction as she could, but that became more limited as one, then two, then three kids came into our world. It may come as no surprise that the RV (primarily the expense of it) created friction along the way. In a single-income family with three kids, perhaps it was inevitable.

But first we need to go back to the beginning. I want to take you on the journey first before telling you how it ends.

It started with solos. First mine on May 6, 1991. After I had my certificate and had been flying for a while, Lisa decided she wanted to take enough training to be able to land safely should something happen to me in the air. As you can imagine, she didn’t exactly have to twist my arm for me to agree! Even better, after one lesson, she told me she was not going to be finished until she was truly finished. And by that she meant she would not be finished until she had her private pilot certificate. Lisa soloed on May 6, 1995, exactly four years after my solo.

I can remember the day of my solo. We went out to the airport, and I was nervous. But Lisa was excited! She had fun taking pictures of the preflight, the taxi out and my departure. Her favorite picture was one of the Cessna as I was flying away, so small you could barely see it in the picture.

I remember her solo equally well. It was the day before a two-week business trip to Seattle. It was a bit of a gloomy day weather-wise but Lisa certainly shined flying her solo. All of it. And I remember the day of her private pilot checkride. What stands out is that she did exceptionally well. She had the same FAA examiner that I had. I squeaked by my checkride. On the other hand, the examiner was raving about how good Lisa did on hers. So out of the gate, she was already a better pilot than me!

Of Cessnas and Champs

Fast-forward a year or so. After more renting of Cessnas and a Citabria we decided to buy into a partnership on a 1946 Aeronca Champ. I had my tailwheel endorsement but Lisa did not, and she did not care to pursue it. However, she did want to fly with me. At one point she even suggested we fly the Champ up to Oshkosh! But stupid me said no, because I didn’t want to fly up there at 65 mph in summer heat. A choice I very much regret now.

In 1996, while we had the Champ, we began the RV-8A construction process. This was slow going over the next seven and a half years, as we also started having children in ‘96. We had three kids, and I refused to let the airplane construction interfere with our family. But finally, in October 2003, the FAA said I had an airplane instead of a kit. After I flew off the 40 hours, Lisa was my first passenger. However, while up in the air, both of us were independently thinking, “This is a really bad idea. If something happens to both of us, we will have orphaned three small kids.” So we never flew together again, intending to wait until after our children were grown. Little did Lisa and I know, this would be our first and last flight together in the RV.

You hear and read of marriages failing because of airplane construction projects. I have no idea how often that really happens. Or if the airplane was the cause of it, or if the marriages would have had issues anyway. As our family grew, and the finances got tighter, the airplane became more of an issue. It was my passion, not Lisa’s, so you can probably imagine the resentment that slowly started building up.

Not only did she not want to fly the airplane, but she didn’t want to talk about it, think about it, see it or in general have anything to do with it. I did continue to fly, but not nearly as much as I would have liked. Our kids flew with me some, but it never became anything they were that interested in.

Now, fast-forward to the last five or six years. Lisa and I had worked through things that we were not even aware had been struggles through our marriage (33 years total). And as part of that, she did relax about the RV. However, she still had no interest in flying.

A Change in Course

But here is where it gets good. Over the last six years of her life, our relationship grew closer than it had ever been. As we became empty nesters, we discovered a number of other things we really loved doing together. Probably the main thing was riding motorcycles and scooters together. But my heart was always in the air. And I really wanted my wife to be in the air with me.

During the first two years of Lisa’s cancer journey, she responded very well to the treatments. In fact, she was overall healthier than she had been in decades. Toward the end of 2021, and especially the beginning of 2022, Lisa’s health began to decline, so she became more limited in what she could do. However, we were still optimistic about how things were going to end.

But in one serious conversation, I did talk to her more about flying again. In short, I told her that flying and being a pilot was part of who I was, not just a hobby. Words cannot adequately describe that, but most of you probably know exactly what I’m talking about.

I then told Lisa that if she never wanted to see the RV again, or think about it again, I would completely understand and respect that. If she never wanted to fly again, I would respect that as well. However, I also told her that of anyone I could fly with, I wanted it to be her. In fact, I longed for her to go with me again. We originally built that airplane so we could fly together. I even got the nosedragger version of it so she could get checked out in it eventually.

Her response to me was something I will never forget: “I haven’t told you this, but I have already been thinking I wanted to do that. That I do want to fly with you again.”

You can only imagine the joy, relief and excitement I felt hearing those words! Not only was I going to have my flying companion back after almost 20 years, but really the last issue that had been a thorn in our marriage had been reconciled. What more could you hope for?

Unfortunately, we never got to fly together again. Triple negative breast cancer is a beast. It is by far the most aggressive type of breast cancer—there is not a close second. In early 2022, we discovered that it had spread to her liver. There were treatment options for that that actually tested very well on her biopsy sample. However, by this point, the cancer was mutating so quickly that by the time we started the treatment cycles, it had already mutated to something rendering those treatments ineffective. Over the summer of 2022, her condition gradually got worse. Then in the fall she declined rapidly. She ultimately lost her battle with cancer on Nov. 7, 2022, exactly three years to the day from the initial diagnosis.

So what do you do with this? What do I do with it? Perhaps the main thing is, never take anything for granted. I have made friends with other couples at the Petit Jean (Arkansas) RV fly-in, and they knew what was going on with Lisa. But my words to them have been, essentially, “Never take for granted what you guys have here. Time together. Flying together. Going places together.” It can all be taken from you in the blink of an eye.

Do not let an airplane or a kit or anything like that come between you and those who are important to you. Fortunately we weren’t about to divorce or anything like that because of the RV, but it certainly did cause friction along the way. Neither one of us handled it ideally.

Reconcile, reconcile, reconcile. It doesn’t matter what the issue is, figure it out, and heal with those you care about. Otherwise, that chance may be taken from you. Forever. I was not going to stop flying. But I cannot emphasize enough how much it unexpectedly meant to me to have Lisa say what she did about wanting to fly again. Even though we never got to. Our time here is limited. Our time with our spouses and other people who are important to us is also limited. So make the most of every moment. Every second. Take nothing for granted.

And finally, live. Simply. Live.